those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
