I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize