I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
