I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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