i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
