I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
