If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
