talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
