Someone shit on the floor
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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