we have pet lesbian snakes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
