she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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