this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
