Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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