And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The adults are the big ones right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My feet surprised me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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