Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
