I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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