all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
