He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
