I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
