oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
