I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
