"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize