dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
