That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
