Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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