Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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