My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cannot find my penis.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
