he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
