i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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