a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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