The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
