Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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