well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
