so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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