I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
