Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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