I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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