After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
