I can text with my tongue
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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