I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
