My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
