After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
