i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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