their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
