I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
