new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
