You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
