That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
