I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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