Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
