tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
