Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
