it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
