Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
