I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
