Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
