I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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