I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
