WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
