whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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