the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
