I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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