he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
