im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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