So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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