I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
