i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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