you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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