Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
