and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
